Wheel Pose: Staying True

What it’s all about: courage, expansiveness, strength, self-expression and vulnerability.

It's 2020 and we are all practicing yoga at home, virtually connected but physically distanced. We need to be holding ourselves accountable and relying less on the teacher. All goes well for me as a student in a virtual class: my camera is on, I'm engaged in the flow, until we hit the ground and move toward Wheel Pose. Whenever I practice yoga, this pinnacle pose always gets my attention. In fact, I plan for it, I make deals with myself, I asses my injuries to decide if I'll take it, how many times, when I'll retreat. But on Zoom, the camera - conveniently - doesn't pan with me as I move from a standing sequence to lying on the ground. I'm off-scene and the teacher can't see me! She has no idea if I'm taking the pose or not. All the parts of me that were sharpened as a child to please, to get an A, to do as I was told in order to be praised and therefore feel worthy - these parts stop leading the way because no one is watching. Instinctively, knowing I can't be seen, I might stop doing the hard thing. Who would know?

How do you behave when no one is looking? What standard do you hold yourself to?

I had a nightly ritual when I was a child. I would wet my toothbrush, let the water run, and place a tiny dollop of toothpaste on my tongue. It was a scripted act of make-believe where I pretended to do as I was told. Even when no one was watching! I got to be a secret rule-breaker, but I masqueraded as a rule-follower. I kept this up for the next 30 years: I dutifully drove an SUV for carpool and a vespa when I was alone. Until, well, yoga.

Being an adult means choosing your values, the things that matter to you, and then living in alignment with them. And community means being around people who share those same values and a commitment to that same alignment. We don't need external validation or the fear of losing respect and love in order to dictate how we live. In theory, I should choose to take wheel - a damn hard pose (for me) whether someone is watching or not. In practice, well, it's exactly that - a practice. Every time I get on my mat I get to have this encounter. I get to create and re-create and re-create my commitment to what I value.

Here's the thing: wheel pose is the pinnacle pose because it allows us to feel, model and create courage, expansiveness, strength, self-expression and vulnerability. Of course that's hard, and of course it takes work. But this pose actually represents a stance that encompasses the values that I choose to live by. If I can't take this stance when no one is looking, then I'm not really taking a stance at all.