Camel Pose: Into the (Spot) Light

I was once a master hider. I hid behind other people’s drama, hid the big emotions, hid what irked me. I hid the tears as well as the joy so as not to look the fool. So as not to be looked at at all.

Back bends, however, are look-at-me poses. All open and stretched. The opposite of a shuffle, a slouch, a slip-by without being noticed. A back bend opens you up in all your shining glory. It asks you to shed your outer armor and show up unguarded and unprotected. A pose like Camel requires so much vulnerability that we can feel physically unmoored afterwards, dizzy.

Some of us are extra careful around vulnerability. Growing up, I worried that if I went unscripted, I might be teased, I might feel shame, I might even be less loved. So I chose practiced lines over creative, true responses. I overprepared, I performed the role that would impress my audience, that would make them know I was smart and likeable.

That armor - of preparation and fawning and pleasing and agreeing - it was heavy and weighed me down. And while I was shielding myself from taunts and teasing, my soft places, like my heart, remained cocooned and protected. Protected perhaps, but as my true unfiltered thoughts, wishes, and desires retreated, they slowly receded from my own view as well.

Yoga has awakened in me the courage and desire to stop hiding. Camel = heart wide open, unbridled, exposed. Vulnerable to hurt, to embarrassment, to unmasked truths. But free - free to be authentic, spontaneous, and in real connection. This physical pose represents my daily practice, coming out of the shadows into the ta-da of the (spot) light.